"Sex is an art. There should be no shame in having to learn it, to practice it, to ask questions about it, to communicate with one’s partner about it, to plan for it, to read about it, to experiment with it. We shouldn’t have to feel like failures in magnetic sexual power when we prove not to be mind readers who can expertly figure out all that a specific partner needs and wants without ever having to talk about it explicitly. We shouldn’t feel like our pleasures are unreal or not worth it for our partners if they take some work to achieve. We shouldn’t have to feel like we cannot deliberately schedule sex lest it be inherently routinized. We shouldn’t feel like there is no way to deliberately create a sexual mood lest we be faking it. We shouldn’t have to fear that committing to a lifetime of sex with someone (whether monogamously or polyamorously) is a death sentence to passion. In lovemaking familiarity can breed an intimacy and mutual understanding and rhythm and experimentation and practice and mutual experience that can make the whole thing richer and more reliably satisfying than many barely pre-discussed one night stands with all their risks of miscommunication and hit-and-miss experiments and social norms against treating sex like something intimate friends do rather than something only for the mindless animals within us all."